Breaking The Cycle

Over the past month I have been reading Breath by Nicole Bromley. I take pieces of her book and blog a bit of my own life from my past to help encourage, build up and strengthen those who struggle or have struggled with the past present sexual, physical, emotional, verbal, and metal abuse. My goal, through Jesus, is to help bring forth healing to a new generation of God seekers. Jesus says in  Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  


The more to our "story," the bigger he is! It takes a strong person to go through this but He also promises to bring beauty form ashes and pain. Isaiah 61:3 says, "I give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." 


I can stand here today and say I am grateful of my past because without my past and being hand-picked out of a really messy life, I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HELP OTHER GIRLS FIND HOPE AND HEALING IN CHRIST! 


Today I read about generational curses! It is amazing how the past can leak into our future with out even noticing! In fact, I'm working to make sure it does not! 


Breath by Nicole says it like this "Abuse along with many other signs of brokenness in families tend to repeat itself form generation to generation. Like the Energizer Bunny, it just keeps going, and going, and going. When you go back and trace the path and history of families secrets, it's a no-brainer to conclude that secret sin and dysfunction will continue unless the patter is broken. Sexual abuse survivors who become parents have the opportunity to BREAK this cycle of generational sin. But to do this, they have to be aware of the things that stand in the way of choosing life. The effects of abuse can cause parents to be less available to their children. Survivors experiencing depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, frustration, or rage will likely do EVERYTHING they can do to suppress these feelings. The problem is that when we shut off these negative emotions, we also shut off positive ones. Moms and dads need to feel. They need to be balanced and strong emotionally in order to be good parents. WORKING THROUGH THE EFFECTS OF ABUSE WILL BRING EMOTIONAL STABILITY, ENABLE KIDS TO FEEL THAT THEIR PARENTS CAN RELATE TO THEM AND SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM OF HOW TO COPE IN A HEALTHY WAY WITH THE DAY TO DAY STRESS OF LIFE!"
   
My daughter is 10 and she and my husband have experienced damage, too, because I have leaked my poison all over them in years past. We are still fighting through the healing process together, still to this day! Because the fact that I had my daughter when both my husband and I were 15. They have seen ALL my  depression, anxiety, shame, frustration and rage, that has been pressed on to them by me. It is WORK to undo, but by the grace of God we are clinging to HIS promises! 


Healing is hard yes, but these generation curses HAVE GOT TO GO! "pulling the energizer batteries out of this dumb bunny" so to speak. My mom and my stepdad (my abuser) never dealt with any of their own issues and pain, and I grew up in a whirlwind of craziness!!!! My family on the other hand, we will through Christ break these curses! 


Nicole in "Breath" said, "Wounded parents sometimes place unrealistic expectations on their kids, pushing them to overachieve in order to overcome their own imperfect childhood."


The last couple years I have caught myself saying and doing things to push my daughter to not be like me--to have a different type of childhood--but I did it through nagging and griping, and it didn't work. But It took me realizing I need to share with her everything from my past and make sure she understood why I was struggling and to let myself apologize for times I have pushed her and made her wear or do things I wished I would have done as a child! It is hard for me to sit back and wait for her to make her own choices, but I know with the first few steps WE have taken, we realize our lives DO belong to CHRIST and WE will be changed for and THROUGH Him! 


I remember waiting for apologies form my parents that never came, but when I found Christ it was much easier to give my pain to Him and let Him sort it out. I was able to FORGIVE instead of RECEIVE!


If you need help overcoming, or just a ear to listen, I am more than willing! From a life of Sexual Abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Paid for sex " prostitution," to having the life squeezed out of me I AM ABLE and WILLING to listen! And I WILL tell you CHRIST sees you as beautiful. I can't wait for you to use YOUR story to build up OTHERS!