A Place To Breathe

As I sit here in my room and think back it's overwhelming for me to see how much we have been through and how much others have stepped in and helped us. As a little girl of sexual, mental, physical, and emotional abuse it was very hard for me to trust ANYONE, and whoever was closest I usually pushed them away! But yet this one AMAZING lady kept loving on me no matter what I did and how I acted, FRANKLY it was a little WEIRD! As a 15 year old who just gave birth, I was hurt, lost, and broken yet she still loved me for me--and trust me you can read about it all over the internet because she's written about me many times. That "lady," well, she is a well-known author her name is Tricia Goyer, and she knows all my dirt :) I will never forget me seeing the reality of me, it sunk in while I read an article called Awaiting The Transformation. I now call this lady MY MOM :)

Nathan, who is now my husband, and I had ton of baggage from our parents. SO WHY ON EARTH DID GOD PLACE US TOGETHER????  Well, I'll tell you a little bit about how much God DOES, AND WILL CHANGE, THOSE WHO ARE WILLING! In the book Breathe By Nicole Bromley she talks about mentoring... and the more I read it I can see how ALL THINGS WORK OUT FOR THE GLORY OF GOD! Nate and I where 15 year old parents and so hurt from our past, the thing we needed most where people who we could look up to and in Nicole Bromley's words could "breathe new life into" us.

Tricia breathed hope into our lives for three years before we even thought of making any changes. I hate to think of what would have happened if she would have become frustrated and gave up after one year, or two.

"We have to know the person who we are dealing with and that takes time," says Nicole Bromley.

If you're trying to help someone, don't just go all in and start telling him or her what to do or how to "fix" things. Instead take time and get to know the person and what their exact situations are. 

If Tricia would have just said, "Why are you living together? Don't smoke its bad for you. Can you be nice to the other moms?" etc, I would have just pushed her away, but she spoke a little at a time and LOVED me for me first. Soon I was able to have space to Breathe! 

"Being a person who is available, welcoming, nonjudgmental, and authentic stands out like a familiar face in a crowd of strangers," writes Nicole Bromley.

 I don't know how many times I would call Tricia (Mom) day or night with questions or problems that were tearing at my heart. And NOT ONCE did she say, "Can I call you back?" Not only that, Tricia's husband John had open arms for us as well. He is the male influence that has helped my husband be the man he is today. They NEVER judged and ALWAYS had time, and trust me IT TOOK TIME for us to let them in! (You can Google Tricia Goyer + Kayleigh and you'll see even more about us, especially from the last 6 months, because my husband our three children and I are living with them! We left our home in Montana to come here because life without them was a little CRAZY :)  

"Once I knew that she wasn't going to give up on me, I knew I could trust her. She always tells me that she is never going to stop loving me, caring about me, or being there for me. For once in my life, after being so hurt and misled though love and trust in my childhood, I could actually allow myself to believe it," a young woman wrote in Breathe about her mentor. When I heard, "You can do it Kayleigh," I BELIEVED it! 

So, even if you're sick of this person you're trying to mentor...DO NOT GIVE UP! 

"Not only did she believe in me, but she also helped me to begin to believe in myself. She never let me say 'I'm giving up,' even though that's what I felt like doing. She made me see that there's a light at the end of this and that my life will be richer because I allowed myself to face the truth" ~ Nicole Bromley 

AND NOW all because these two loving people got down to our level, and got down and dirty in our mess, we can now say, YES WE CAN DO IT! We learned this through the marriage classes they MADE us take, to the EVERY Sunday dinners at their house, to the wedding THEY gave us. Papa John (my DAD) even performed the wedding ceremony. I can say DON'T GIVE UP! God is GOOD!  

What a mess we came from, but because of MENTORS we have not only found the LOVE of God but we are able to see things in HIS perspective.

"I have a burning desire to return the favor by investing myself in the lives around me. I long to make the same level of difference in someone else's life and future. This explains why so many mentors do what they do. They long to give from what they have received." ~ Nicole Bromley. (WELL ENOUGH SAID!)

So I encourage you to step out, make time for others, and get to know them before giving advice. LOVE on someone today because you just may be the person to bring a breath of fresh air into their hearts. Offer a hurting person A PLACE TO BREATHE!

“Preach the gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.” ~Francis Assisi

Romans 8:28

The Message (MSG) Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Finding The Real Me

Finding The Real Me

" A family's response to the sexual abuse of one of its own is critical for the victim's healing. to her family matters the most. While you may think that the victim's parents and siblings would be the ones most likley to breathe new life in to her, sadly there often the very ones that suck the life right out of her. This happens not only when a family member is responsible for the abuse but also when others in her family tell the victim to hush." Nicole Bromley.   

This is exactly what append in my case, I remember my mom telling me to "hush" that she can handle it she has it "all under controll" I was moved to my grandmas house until people started asking why or heard rumors, it is kind of hard for me to look back and I remember the very fealings that I had, after trying to commit suiside for the second time "6 Ibuprofen" I realised that pregnancy  that was my only way out! 

I know now looking back and forgiving the people and the situation that had happen that GOD still has healing to do and he has a MIRACULOUS plan for my life. Yes it was hurtful, but through him "Christ" I am able  reach down and "get down and dirty" with all the young girls that I can come in contact with and minister to them because the past that I have had and help them realize that I have been in there shoes and that they can  find HEALING ONLY IN THE ARMS OF CHRIST! AND THEY WILL BECOME A NEW CREATION!

Breaking The Cycle

Over the past month I have been reading Breath by Nicole Bromley. I take pieces of her book and blog a bit of my own life from my past to help encourage, build up and strengthen those who struggle or have struggled with the past present sexual, physical, emotional, verbal, and metal abuse. My goal, through Jesus, is to help bring forth healing to a new generation of God seekers. Jesus says in  Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  


The more to our "story," the bigger he is! It takes a strong person to go through this but He also promises to bring beauty form ashes and pain. Isaiah 61:3 says, "I give them an ornament (a garland or diadem) of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment [expressive] of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit--that they may be called oaks of righteousness [lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God], the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified." 


I can stand here today and say I am grateful of my past because without my past and being hand-picked out of a really messy life, I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HELP OTHER GIRLS FIND HOPE AND HEALING IN CHRIST! 


Today I read about generational curses! It is amazing how the past can leak into our future with out even noticing! In fact, I'm working to make sure it does not! 


Breath by Nicole says it like this "Abuse along with many other signs of brokenness in families tend to repeat itself form generation to generation. Like the Energizer Bunny, it just keeps going, and going, and going. When you go back and trace the path and history of families secrets, it's a no-brainer to conclude that secret sin and dysfunction will continue unless the patter is broken. Sexual abuse survivors who become parents have the opportunity to BREAK this cycle of generational sin. But to do this, they have to be aware of the things that stand in the way of choosing life. The effects of abuse can cause parents to be less available to their children. Survivors experiencing depression, anxiety, guilt, shame, frustration, or rage will likely do EVERYTHING they can do to suppress these feelings. The problem is that when we shut off these negative emotions, we also shut off positive ones. Moms and dads need to feel. They need to be balanced and strong emotionally in order to be good parents. WORKING THROUGH THE EFFECTS OF ABUSE WILL BRING EMOTIONAL STABILITY, ENABLE KIDS TO FEEL THAT THEIR PARENTS CAN RELATE TO THEM AND SET AN EXAMPLE FOR THEM OF HOW TO COPE IN A HEALTHY WAY WITH THE DAY TO DAY STRESS OF LIFE!"
   
My daughter is 10 and she and my husband have experienced damage, too, because I have leaked my poison all over them in years past. We are still fighting through the healing process together, still to this day! Because the fact that I had my daughter when both my husband and I were 15. They have seen ALL my  depression, anxiety, shame, frustration and rage, that has been pressed on to them by me. It is WORK to undo, but by the grace of God we are clinging to HIS promises! 


Healing is hard yes, but these generation curses HAVE GOT TO GO! "pulling the energizer batteries out of this dumb bunny" so to speak. My mom and my stepdad (my abuser) never dealt with any of their own issues and pain, and I grew up in a whirlwind of craziness!!!! My family on the other hand, we will through Christ break these curses! 


Nicole in "Breath" said, "Wounded parents sometimes place unrealistic expectations on their kids, pushing them to overachieve in order to overcome their own imperfect childhood."


The last couple years I have caught myself saying and doing things to push my daughter to not be like me--to have a different type of childhood--but I did it through nagging and griping, and it didn't work. But It took me realizing I need to share with her everything from my past and make sure she understood why I was struggling and to let myself apologize for times I have pushed her and made her wear or do things I wished I would have done as a child! It is hard for me to sit back and wait for her to make her own choices, but I know with the first few steps WE have taken, we realize our lives DO belong to CHRIST and WE will be changed for and THROUGH Him! 


I remember waiting for apologies form my parents that never came, but when I found Christ it was much easier to give my pain to Him and let Him sort it out. I was able to FORGIVE instead of RECEIVE!


If you need help overcoming, or just a ear to listen, I am more than willing! From a life of Sexual Abuse, Teen Pregnancy, Paid for sex " prostitution," to having the life squeezed out of me I AM ABLE and WILLING to listen! And I WILL tell you CHRIST sees you as beautiful. I can't wait for you to use YOUR story to build up OTHERS!

The BIG "hush"

     As A teen I had bottled up this abuse and it affects! Outward I looked and sounded like a NASTY teenager! But inward I was rotting away. Most days I spent in my room, or sitting out side with my dog Keko, school was horrid! I literately  had no friends untill about fifth grade Amanda Krystine Speed, and Jamie Torpen  where the first two friends to really hang out with me and a well, from then on  we never really separated till we got older MUCH older, battling my abuse at home and  from school was the worst feeling ever, it was really taking a tole on who I was becoming, I was angry, refused to shower, and wore baggy cloths, I had long blond hair sometimes permed "poodle" was my name and I had a size 12 children s waist and  28 DDD  braw size, bad mouth, smoked cigarettes and weed and  yes I was made fun of HORRIBLY! this whole time I craved attenchion weather it was good or bad! I REALLY KNEED TO BE LOVED! and when I was told to "HUSH" if felt like the few strings I was hanging on to where CUT! But the GOD I serve had different plans NOT to DIE, NOT to BE ALONE, NOT to be ANGRY, AND I WAS BEAUTIFUL AND HADN'T YET FIGURED IT OUT! that is where my amazing hubby to this day fits in.... the pain of " HUSH " was the begging of  a bright future I and NO IDEA of.


 Nicole Brumley~ "From the book "BREATHE"
Sadly, one of the most common stories I hear is of a victim telling a non-offending parent or other trusted family member and being told to "hush". My heart breaks every time I hear this for I know how devastating this response is to those who are broken, hurting, and vulnerable. Not only is it an incredible letdown for the victim but it is plants lies in his/her mind. "I must be bad" , " It was my fault", "I should have kept it a secret", Lies like these confirmed by family member's initial response to the revelation, can set a victim on the path to desolation.
If this is your situation, remember what you get to choose who is in you circle of inspiration. this is you circle, its your Team. and you are the captain. You can still heal without the support of you family. Even if you family cant help breathe life into you , GOD is able!


Jeremiah 29:11The Message (MSG) I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home. I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

I can never thank my adopted parents for stepping in our lives provide a place to heal and grow into the people GOD has created us to be. We truly are indented to them for the rest our LIVES , with out them my husband and I would NOT be together I would NOT be the MOM to my children to day and I would be GUARANTEE'ED  cracked out somewhere having NO HOPE AND A FUTURE!

Exodus 15:26The Message (MSG)" I am God your healer."

Keeping Quiet Through a Child's eyes

" Although you'd think that family members would be the first a survivor would turn to  for protection, understanding, and help, they are often the last. There are 3 basic reasons for this the 1st reason is our feelings of  fear. We can be affraid to talk to our family members about the abuse because our abuser  always told us to  keep it a secret ans we fear the consequence if we  do talk to them about it. Abusers use many fear tactics to keep their victims silent. I was afraid no one would believe me. I was always afraid I would be hurt even more, or that someone I cared about would be hurt. Even after my secret was our I was afraid of what my mom would think of me if she knew how the abuse was affecting me. I was afraid of  losing her m which was exactly what my stepfather had always told me would happen if I told. I was also afraid of telling her too much because I didn't want to overwhelm her and add to her own pain. Hartley was afraid that is she shared her secret, she would ruin her family's name and they would disown her." ~ Nicole Bromley from the book Breathe!
     I can relate to this 100%  As Nicole  I was scared to tell any one because my stepfather told me It was a secret and NEVER to tell any one and If  I did he would kill my mom. I beleived it because there was one fight my parents had and a gun was involved and another where he through a small glass table at her when she was  about 8 months pragnaunt. There was no dought in my mind he would do it, and I also didn't want to tell my mom because she was carring enough pain and I didnt wont to add to it and thirdly I did not want to make my family name bad, my stepfather was well known! always had the best cars best paintjobs and owned the main gasstation in my small town. This is mainly why children keep it a secret for so long.
    "I believed not only that the abuse was my fault, but also that i was my responsibility to keep my family together. I needed to talk to  this was my burden to carry. As a teenager I felt as though I had to protect my mom and that I was responsible for keeping her happy. This is too much for anyone to take on, no matter how old. I needed to talk about this with my mom and her from her that I was allowed to be a teenager and to do normal things for my age. I needed to her to tell me that I wasn't respo sible for my abuse, for holding my family together, or for her." Nicole Bromly form the book Breathe!
   Once again this was my case to the T. my mom was pregnaunt with my lil brother at the time and we where in the process of building a very nice house on the outskirts of Glacier Park. I ran away and of corse she found me... When I told her in our lil blue old cop car she was speachless I felt so good to get it off my chest I told her I had attempted suiside 2 tims and I didnt wont to be around any longer. She beleived me and we where at our lil old house  but the rest astounded me "I GOT IT UNDERCONTROLL" I was scared what was to come.
"There came a time when I held an entire bottle of pills in my hand, waiting to end my own life. I remember my hands shaking as I held them, wondering how the very thing that was supposed to help me had become my chosen means of suicide.
WHAT  LOOKS IMPOSSIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE IS NOTHING IN THE EYES OF ALMIGHTY GOD, NO MATTER HOW AWFUL OUR CIRCUMSTANCES MAY HAVE BECOME, HE IS ALWAYS THERE TO PROVIDE US WITH A HEALTHY CIRCLE: A PLACE OF TRUTH WHERE OTHERS WILL STAND BY US AND BATTLE OUR PAIN WITH US! JUST AS HE HAS DONE WITH ME, THE LORD IS WAITING TO USE YOU IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS. REACH OUT TO THOSE AROUND YOU WITH THE SAM LOVE AND SUPPORT THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS LOOKED FOR" ~ Nicole Bromley
  I am so thankful for my husband when I read this we where 15 when we had our first child and he stuck by me this whole time and supported me! THANK U JESUS FOR SAVING ME THROUGH THIS TIME!!! Today is our 11 year anniversary and I cant wait to see how many lives we can help change  for Christ in the next 11 yrs.